Recent Comments

4/29/20, 1:56 PM
LIke this direction, totally wasn't expecting that even though it was foreshadowed in previous installment. Very hot story
Hunter_C_Wolfe@Hotmail.Com
4/29/20, 1:43 PM
I love it. Lots of variations possible, jock, pup etc. Where do I sign up?
Anonymous
4/29/20, 1:33 PM
cant wait to see more!
Aug 27, 2006
Hor
4/29/20, 10:08 AM
so hottt
Anonymous
4/29/20, 9:45 AM
so good
Apr 22, 2020
Anonymous
4/29/20, 8:28 AM
Honestly, your use of commas is very distracting. Very few stories turn me away just because of how they are written. I couldn't really get past the beginning because I was constantly stoped by them. It may sound weird but for some people like me when you reach a comma or period your brain pauses as that is the intent when they are placed. So at the start there is a punctuation every 5 words. So after a certain point it is almost like I am paused more than I am moving forward in the story. Probably not the criticism you were expecting but it is a vital part of the experience. It is especially true of porn as being pulled out of the story by anything really effects the mood of it. I won't explain the specifics of how to improve this. But try to avoid inserting ideas into the middle of a sentence. A brief interruption of a sentence for a related detail to be explained is fine, but don't overuse it. For a prime example: "As he scrolled for the 37th time, that hour, through Sandra's photos, a slender, older man entered the restaurant." All of those commas could be removed. Such as: As he scrolled through Sandra's photos for the 37th time in the last hour an old slender looking man entered the restaurant. I don't want to come off as rude with this, I truly mean this to be helpful. For more detail there is a book called the Chicago style guide that explains the use of commas and many other writing devices. Such as when to write 2 or two.
4/29/20, 7:12 AM
oh my god, everything you write makes me want to cum so hard but i know you haven't given me permission to. so fucking hot!
Apr 22, 2020
4/29/20, 5:45 AM
how does one get that to happen to it peter
Anonymous
4/29/20, 2:50 AM
Great story!! Loved it!!!
Anonymous
4/29/20, 1:43 AM
I didn't catch it in part 1, but... did I just read a porn pastiche of Gogol's The Nose?