Recent Comments

Anonymous
4/29/20, 9:45 AM
so good
Apr 22, 2020
Anonymous
4/29/20, 8:28 AM
Honestly, your use of commas is very distracting. Very few stories turn me away just because of how they are written. I couldn't really get past the beginning because I was constantly stoped by them. It may sound weird but for some people like me when you reach a comma or period your brain pauses as that is the intent when they are placed. So at the start there is a punctuation every 5 words. So after a certain point it is almost like I am paused more than I am moving forward in the story. Probably not the criticism you were expecting but it is a vital part of the experience. It is especially true of porn as being pulled out of the story by anything really effects the mood of it. I won't explain the specifics of how to improve this. But try to avoid inserting ideas into the middle of a sentence. A brief interruption of a sentence for a related detail to be explained is fine, but don't overuse it. For a prime example: "As he scrolled for the 37th time, that hour, through Sandra's photos, a slender, older man entered the restaurant." All of those commas could be removed. Such as: As he scrolled through Sandra's photos for the 37th time in the last hour an old slender looking man entered the restaurant. I don't want to come off as rude with this, I truly mean this to be helpful. For more detail there is a book called the Chicago style guide that explains the use of commas and many other writing devices. Such as when to write 2 or two.
4/29/20, 7:12 AM
oh my god, everything you write makes me want to cum so hard but i know you haven't given me permission to. so fucking hot!
Apr 22, 2020
4/29/20, 5:45 AM
how does one get that to happen to it peter
Anonymous
4/29/20, 2:50 AM
Great story!! Loved it!!!
Anonymous
4/29/20, 1:43 AM
I didn't catch it in part 1, but... did I just read a porn pastiche of Gogol's The Nose?
4/28/20, 10:30 PM
more please!
Lusty Stallion
4/28/20, 10:16 PM
Tanks man. Tats given me a great idea which you'll see in the next installmemt. Yes it is finally being written
swngbthways
4/28/20, 8:31 PM
I LOVE this story and have to agree on what was already said. I LOVE that in the end, this was CONSENSUAL and that Josh just used hypnosis to trigger Ryan's bisexuality. Would love to see what happens next. DEFINITELY one of my favorites on this site.
Bimarguy
4/28/20, 8:23 PM
as always good story nicky