I like inter racial action here. Maybe use of a gas mask & hose might make for an interesting delivery system. I favor jock straps, socks, worn briefs myself over farts. Good job overall!

Thank you for writing and submitting; I can definitely see and feel the vibes of Pine and Mike in this story. That's not a bad thing as I'm friends with Nacho and love his work. I'm definitely with you on the corruption aspect of mind control being a bit overplayed. I really want to see where you go with things, so please continue.

This is only intended to be feedback/thoughts on this story that might help. Over all you did a great job laying a foundation. Maybe you could refine this more? Its a great start, and has potental. I am wondering if you could do more discrptions of changes and include any mental ones as well? I am also wondering if you might include a bit of sex in the story as it seems like it's building to that. I mean you have it there but it's faded to black meaning you pass over it and I wonder if it wouldn't help the story to know how the guy feels about being a gay bear and his thoughts/feelings around the intercourse with a man.

Cute story. a little short but i liked it.

Wow! That story is hot! You hit on most of my mental G-spots (all your tags except "straight to gay")! Transformation from straight to gay is not normally something that excites me. In most stories I read involving "straight to gay", this transformation is not necessary to the story, and personally I don't relate as well to the character. That said, this transformation in your story is an integral part of your story and the false pretenses that brought the two characters together. The scene where the two meet and the hypnotist smooths out Kevin's understandably irate reaction is the key one of hypnosis and seduction. The process of seduction and increasing mind control is probably my most favorite aspects of a story like this. The process in which the hypnotist smoothly sooths Kevin's anger and converts it into a willingness to share dinner and company is very nicely done. My principal comment is that it was too short. After what seems like barely a 5-minute conversation, they have apparently already finished ordering and eating their meal. It might have seemed more believable if Kevin was already gay (or at least conflicted or curious) and the deception was only that his date was not the person whose picture was in the personal profile, or if the hypnotist had slipped some form of mind control drug into Kevin's drink. What you did include in that segment is quite brilliant, I thought, but not quite enough to allow me to really believe that Kevin could transition not only from angry to placid, but also so open and apparently suggestible to a man who Kevin would likely still strongly distrust. To be fair your representation of this process is great; it seems too short to me largely because I want it to last, and to really feel the conversation in my head as Kevin would -- to be convinced myself that i would react as Kevin did. The twist at the end in which you revealed that the hypnotist was not even looking for company but for men he could convert and sell on the slave market was hot! You did a really good job with that twist of capturing that feeling of combined fear and arousal when it turned out the hypnotist was so cold, calculating, and powerful in his approach to enslaving young men. (i got that feeling as a reader; i'm not so sure Kevin was really aware enough at that point to feel anything.) The details of the phone conversation confirming the slave sale, the slave processing room, the enslavement play-list and other slaves in transition as part of the "16th batch" immediately convert a bad date into a sizzling hot horror movie! One other really picky comment is about the metallic slabs on which the slaves were lain apparently for weeks. As a caregiver i am keenly aware of the dangers of bed sores. As an experienced subject for hypnosis, i am aware that some days it is easier to fall and stay in trance than others. The soreness of the pressure points on a hard cold slab, which would all too quickly develop into open and eventually infected bed sores, would definitely distract me from remaining in trance (unless put into a medical coma, but then the problem would be death by infection). i would definitely prefer to be enslaved on a padded leather surface on which one could easily sink into the warmth and pleasure of both the leather and trance. Even more appropriate medically and a real turn-on would be a bed that restrains the slave and turns regularly to shift pressure points. Did you ever see the movie (Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story) in which Bruce Lee was hospitalized for a very serious back injury and was confined to a bed which automatically turned the patient? Turn Bruce's medical bed into a medically-appropriate bondage bed. Technically i think your writing is almost perfect with very very few punctuation or spelling errors. i know i used a lot of words to describe what i thought was missing from the plot details, but trust me that i would not be doing that if i didn't think you had written a really arousing story - one which i have bookmarked and flagged as a favorite, and plan to return to over and over looking and hoping for more of this story, and more importantly more of your writing and imagination. Thanks so much for sharing with us!

Why didn't I think of that? That would have been a twisted ending. I would use that suggestion if I thought there was a sequel in this story.

Wasn't a sitc fan so missed.it. Even if caught some of that vibe. The disconnected tone in this case, for me that works with your horror or thrillers is ill suited for comedy Or at least did not even with the repetition find it funny. guess just was not my kind of joke. also disconnect feels wrong for humor? or at least this type of scenario Even with that a blithe acceptance and leering or adjustment in contrast help. I suppose closest is mister jersey shore alike using a woman's sextoy. guess I was just bringing wrong expectations

Loved the series. When can we expect the next installment?

If you can add physics-based suggestions, I sign up to add to the X-Men Colossus.

Wow! Again, great story! Honestly i don't often read super hero stories, but this is not that because in this case the story is actually about brainwashing Jake and Matt, and a lot of other very kinky hot stuff along the way. So looking forward to more! Thanks so much for sharing! You have such a delicious imagination for creating contraptions and situations for bondage, drugged suggestible stupor, and brainwashing!