lots of set up. either you are personally familiar with such organizations and structures or did some research. some parts. like the masturbation and the ear buds (he had custom players with individualized lists and music but no ear buds? when he knows he is making changes?) I am plot nickpicky hence my low scores. if I had a criticism it would be gets perfectly fine to have a tension and mood building chapter with no sex in it just so long as we get a feel for the characters setting set up and where things are going it's already a bit much when you describe the character and make him obviously sexual and a little too loose so it's pretty clear he's probably a phony or at least a corrupt president. even more so when you have him literally Spate to the audience that he's putting subliminal messages and things when you been otherwise oblique or carefully building tension with straight request and interactions and set up. But when you have an out-of-place oh look there's just one bed and you have him with companion that's perfectly torn proportioned and then has him go off when he says he's nervous to masturbate and then nearby shower? In addition to the fact that apparently he already has a custom app that allows him to use cameras all over the place. the camera thing is almost good that sense of voyeurism or threat that's unseen by one character but enjoyed by another and it would be interesting to see how he responded examining the guy Shuki obviously have been scoping out and had plans for. But when the masturbation happens it feels like a step too far and that ruins the tension that's been building up please include a for me at the end of any statement that talks about your story. Obviously this is a subjective opinion. And more importantly I'm commenting most of all because I think that's a promise. I hope to see it go forward hand if you can balance that intention as well as the diversity of the cast flush out their characters and setting as well as blend the procedural with the sexual or the gratification

This is sooo hot ! Well done Thanks for writing and please write more 😀

Great start! Hope more is on the way!

Great story. I can tell from the details that you are an RM. Keep smiling

I loved this one. And I didn't see that twist at the end coming at all!

Well done. Will the league be used as plastic toys and will their costumes be as sexy as I imagine? Guess we'll find out next time.

was hoping he would hypnotize the whole family and get them to fuck each other

Thank you for delivering an ending that isn't 'Hollywood-feel good'.

For a first story, this is a really good effort. Well-written for sure. Just be careful not to create typical story lines.

That's what I tried to make Smith but it might be more obvious in the next arch.