Recent Comments

4/8/20, 8:38 PM
I have to be the naysayer among the comments; to me the sexual components felt over the top and out of place. I do like the basic story of Dr. Leach working in the world of contractors, running afowl of Captain Connor, and then getting his revenge on him. However, the sexual dimension of the story doesn't seem to be grounded as well. That Leach would be taping footage of his controlled players and coaches and sharing that footage is a risk of exposure; even if it was on the dark web, it could get out and ruin his chances. To drop that into the story without addressing its implications feels unrealistic. The sexual component to me is there because you want it to be, not because it emerges from the world you've created. Also there are a number of proofreading mistakes that do disrupt the flow of reading.
4/8/20, 8:34 PM
I know this is old but, what happened to Ben?
Anonymous
4/8/20, 8:28 PM
This is so hot ! I agree with the previous comment about the football origin story. But a continuation chapter is also appreciated. Thanks for writing !
4/8/20, 7:42 PM
Goooood. Let the bate flow through you. Nya ha ha ha! >;D
4/8/20, 7:15 PM
really fucking HOT!!!!!
Anonymous
4/8/20, 7:07 PM
Fuck, reading this has made me masturbate. I must masturbate!!!!
Anonymous
4/8/20, 6:22 PM
Amazing again! Can't wait for the next chapter.
Anonymous
4/8/20, 5:10 PM
fuck loving this series ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
firesix
4/8/20, 5:06 PM
๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘€ good shit goเฑฆิ sHit๐Ÿ‘Œ thats โœ” some good๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œshit right๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œthere๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ rightโœ”there โœ”โœ”if i do ฦฝaาฏ so my self ๐Ÿ’ฏ i say so ๐Ÿ’ฏ thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: สณแถฆแตสฐแต— แต—สฐแต‰สณแต‰) mMMMMแŽทะœ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ‘ŒะO0ะžเฌ OOOOOะžเฌ เฌ Ooooแต’แต’แต’แต’แต’แต’แต’แต’แต’๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ŒGood shit (Meme aside, this is wonderful. Thanks for coming back to the site and blessing us with this.)
4/8/20, 4:49 PM
Thank you OsoDulce. I'm still critical of it because I've always been taught that 'show, don't tell' stories are better - although Austen's "Emma" starts out a bit of 'tell' doesn't it? - I'll be continuing this one, but I've decided also to post a re-write trying to do a more 'show' style. Though at the moment, I'm caring for my mom since she's not well, just taking a brief breather. I'll get back to it as soon as I can. :) Both of them.