Recent Comments

Jay
4/7/20, 11:41 PM
On fire. I think Rob is ready for the second, third, and forth act of the show. Who knows, perhaps Rob should be featured in a National X-Rated Hypnosis Show tour.
Cracker
4/7/20, 11:37 PM
gelded_alpha@outlook.com I thought I had it in opening
Anonymous
4/7/20, 10:34 PM
hmmmm can't email ah well
Anonymous
4/7/20, 10:17 PM
i wish I could I'm just no good at story writing 😭
4/7/20, 10:01 PM
the way the story was written, was a bit of a turn off but I did finish the story and did enjoy it. there was one point where you called Micheal, Patrick?
Anonymous
4/7/20, 9:34 PM
dam so hot though does need a sequel hehe
4/7/20, 8:57 PM
Hypnothrill, thanks for the input. Your comment is timely. While writing this story, I wanted to expand beyond Joe's thoughts and observations and knew I did not have a good handle on it. I had never heard of omniscient 3rd person. I just briefly looked it up and will look into it more. I'm thankful you mentioned it. It was a roadblock for me in this story, both writing it and re-reading it. Part 2 is already done so will be the same style. But I am going to explore this omniscient 3rd person and develop it better.
4/7/20, 8:30 PM
Nice one and extremely hot! Definitely deserves the 5 for "Wanking material" Agree with TDS above about the development of Yannick's character although I know it's always harder in a first person writing style to give insight into another character's thoughts.
4/7/20, 7:47 PM
I love your work, PupScout, and I thought this story had some really hot imagery. But I wanted to offer a little suggestion. Have you thought about occasionally switching to omniscient 3rd person narration when delivering exposition? You're trying to put all the exposition in the dialogue and in Joe's internal monologue, and to me, some parts of that are ringing false, because these mind-controlled recruits are noticing all these uncanny little details (e.g. Joe observing how his brother's cock looks different and then "pondering the change").