Recent Comments

4/7/20, 10:01 PM
the way the story was written, was a bit of a turn off but I did finish the story and did enjoy it. there was one point where you called Micheal, Patrick?
Anonymous
4/7/20, 9:34 PM
dam so hot though does need a sequel hehe
4/7/20, 8:57 PM
Hypnothrill, thanks for the input. Your comment is timely. While writing this story, I wanted to expand beyond Joe's thoughts and observations and knew I did not have a good handle on it. I had never heard of omniscient 3rd person. I just briefly looked it up and will look into it more. I'm thankful you mentioned it. It was a roadblock for me in this story, both writing it and re-reading it. Part 2 is already done so will be the same style. But I am going to explore this omniscient 3rd person and develop it better.
4/7/20, 8:30 PM
Nice one and extremely hot! Definitely deserves the 5 for "Wanking material" Agree with TDS above about the development of Yannick's character although I know it's always harder in a first person writing style to give insight into another character's thoughts.
4/7/20, 7:47 PM
I love your work, PupScout, and I thought this story had some really hot imagery. But I wanted to offer a little suggestion. Have you thought about occasionally switching to omniscient 3rd person narration when delivering exposition? You're trying to put all the exposition in the dialogue and in Joe's internal monologue, and to me, some parts of that are ringing false, because these mind-controlled recruits are noticing all these uncanny little details (e.g. Joe observing how his brother's cock looks different and then "pondering the change").
Evelded
4/7/20, 6:09 PM
Awesome! My favorite GSS writer is back! I was afraid you'd died or found religion or something. :) Now, /please/ write a few more chapters for "Dare Me!"
4/7/20, 6:08 PM
Nice story; I'm a fan for the stories that end with a happy ending. This one ends with a romantic happy ending, so it will get support from me for the challenge (along with a couple of other stories). Even better that it comes out of a collaborative moment with Ng5hvlo4; it's nice to see authors working together on the site.
4/7/20, 6:07 PM
Well done Cap'n. It hits its flow when you get to the masterfully written sex/fetish stuff. I'm not even into rubber and I found it hot. I was pleased the ending gave the couple some depth; it gave me some needed development for both characters but *especially* Yannick.
4/7/20, 5:51 PM
Glad to see you back at work, PupScout. And you're being very ambitious in making the Navy Seals your subject in this story. At first I thought this couldn't be part of the First Time challenge, but then I saw the changes to the rules that allow it. But whether it is in the challenge or not, this is something I definitely will be following to see where you take it.