Recent Comments

Andromedus
3/31/20, 8:44 PM
FUCK YEAAAAAHHHHH! Go Derek, destroy that rugby team into rubble Keep up the good work
3/31/20, 8:43 PM
So freakin' hot! Would love to see more from you.
Mar 29, 2020
nycboot
3/31/20, 7:42 PM
Oh man. Beautiful. I wish it was a bit longer but it's so wonderful. Thank you!
3/31/20, 7:33 PM
Thanks, you two. Always a pleasure to hear what you have to say. :)
3/31/20, 7:14 PM
I agree with Hypnothrill: diapers aren't really a fetish for me, but I loved them as a symbol of the mind control/break. Very hot, and I hope you continue!
MuskFan
3/31/20, 6:59 PM
Been waiting for this chapter everyday. And it did not disappoint! Please write more!
Drake Nightstrom
3/31/20, 6:57 PM
TandySensation Thank you for the thoughtful feedback. This isn't my usual writing style it was new. So like all new things, it wasn't perfect. I may try to edit it later. The ending was more a a way to say how he was going to live his new life while also acknowleging the old one. Perhaps could use rewriting. Thanks Drake
3/31/20, 5:33 PM
This is a good start. The perspective shifts and fourth-wall breaking "notes to the viewer" are excessive and distracting. They would integrate easier if you were to re-format the story as if we're reading entries in Nick's lab notebook. I feel like I'm missing something before or after the virtual reality segment: How/Why did this scientist recklessly use such a machine on himself and his assistant, after admitting he didn't really know what it actually did? … He must've forgotten to renew his subscription to Amazon Flux Capacitor Cloud Services or something. 😼 The last paragraph is awkward, a mad dash to tie up every loose end and give everybody a happy ending. If you're going to have a neuro-headset mysteriously turn into a 'transmogrifier', I don't think it matters where Nick's family went after he turned gay. I understand you introduced them as part of Nick's hetero character development, but maybe there's a more harmonious way to do that. I'm quite intrigued by the reality shift, and the opportunity for sequels as a "matchmaking" or relationship counseling tool. I think it would be cool if we could see how each member of the couple feels about their realities altering after each dream encounter, slowly bringing them closer to this new life where perhaps they have become a more colorful spin on their old lives. **Thank you for accepting the challenge. Keep writing!**
Anonymous
3/31/20, 5:02 PM
This was so hot! Please make more
3/31/20, 4:24 PM
I love it!