Recent Comments

3/31/20, 5:33 PM
This is a good start. The perspective shifts and fourth-wall breaking "notes to the viewer" are excessive and distracting. They would integrate easier if you were to re-format the story as if we're reading entries in Nick's lab notebook. I feel like I'm missing something before or after the virtual reality segment: How/Why did this scientist recklessly use such a machine on himself and his assistant, after admitting he didn't really know what it actually did? … He must've forgotten to renew his subscription to Amazon Flux Capacitor Cloud Services or something. 😼 The last paragraph is awkward, a mad dash to tie up every loose end and give everybody a happy ending. If you're going to have a neuro-headset mysteriously turn into a 'transmogrifier', I don't think it matters where Nick's family went after he turned gay. I understand you introduced them as part of Nick's hetero character development, but maybe there's a more harmonious way to do that. I'm quite intrigued by the reality shift, and the opportunity for sequels as a "matchmaking" or relationship counseling tool. I think it would be cool if we could see how each member of the couple feels about their realities altering after each dream encounter, slowly bringing them closer to this new life where perhaps they have become a more colorful spin on their old lives. **Thank you for accepting the challenge. Keep writing!**
Anonymous
3/31/20, 5:02 PM
This was so hot! Please make more
3/31/20, 4:24 PM
I love it!
3/31/20, 4:11 PM
Not a fan of the diaper stuff, but I thought the mind control scenes were amazingly hot!
3/31/20, 3:31 PM
Great start! Can't wait to see what happens next!
3/31/20, 3:17 PM
Hot and romantic!
Anonymous
3/31/20, 2:35 PM
that was really hot - great individual stories adding to the overall progression... keep up the great writing...
3/31/20, 2:31 PM
so INCREDIBLY HOT!!! can't wait for byr-bry to give up independent thought and let Lord Edwards to become da-da.
3/31/20, 2:06 PM
mmm, more Please !!
3/31/20, 9:20 AM
Absolutely fantastic, such a great story, keep up the amazing writing.