Recent Comments

1/15/20, 2:52 PM
A vastly superior continuation, and loads of fun!
1/15/20, 2:40 PM
Usually I love your stories, Hypnothrill, and this one has several interesting approaches melded together; however, the languaging seems a little forced to me. Granted , I'm not even remotely British, and those who are may have a different perspective (and thus, I differ to them), but I do at least respect the idea of it.
Anonymous
1/15/20, 2:27 PM
I love it!! please continue
David S
1/15/20, 2:26 PM
@Hypnothrill Hey now, this was his first story here -- and you are one of the best authors on this site -- could you give this author some constructive feedback on how to develop his writing talent? @alienkiller is coming up with some great ideas with this plot, he just needs to learn how to develop them into a fully-developed story. (Also, alienkiller, I'm using "he/his" for brevity here. You could be any gender in real life, and gender definitely doesn't matter to me.) Maybe we should have a new forum on here, "How to develop your ideas into a great story."
nycboot
1/15/20, 1:49 PM
One of the principles of storytellilng: In general, do NOT tell the reader what is going to happen; SHOW the reader what happens. As Hypnothrill states, this is laid out like a list of instructions or prescriptions. It would be a much better chapter if the author focused on some individual who went through the process and gradually discovers what it is about and how he feels about it. (Even better if the guy is straight - the author doesn't seems to acknowledge that there are straight people around who might not be so willing to have anal intercourse as part of their scuba diving instruction.) The seeds of a really good story is here. But in addition to water it needs a horticulturist.
nycboot
1/15/20, 1:42 PM
Yes, there have been stories like this, but I always find them interesting. :) May I guess that the author's first language is not English? I suggest the author hand these chapters over to another who will polish up and "add yeast" to the story so that it'll really be fabulous.
1/15/20, 12:32 PM
This story is full of good erotic ideas, but the way they're told just sucks the life right out of them. It feels like I'm reading a set of instructions for how to assemble a bookshelf.
SHITTY
1/15/20, 12:09 PM
I would like to eat stinking shit from THOSE GUARDS and ENRIQUE
MASTERs
1/15/20, 12:08 PM
Fucking hot, cummed twice over your story!
ForgottenCradle
1/15/20, 8:59 AM
as a big fan of real-life 'Jerry' I totally support this pairing i really love the not-so-subtle nods at their real life counterparts. i hope you continue with this series