Recent Comments

Jan 11, 2020
Willie Cici
1/11/20, 3:48 PM
Great story! I loved the plot twists. I suspected Jason was involved somehow when Rafael ended up on his knees, but the 'Professor' angle, I did not expect. Keep writing. You have at least two fans, myself and Hyp!
Jan 11, 2020
Anonymous
1/11/20, 3:37 PM
I love these stories. My only critique would be what I say to all the novice writers: writing means editing. Run SpellCheck/GrammarCheck on your word processor. It will catch so many errors and improve the syntax, while still keeping the natural speaking tone of your characters. Try it! It can't hurt.
Jan 11, 2020
tomozco
1/11/20, 2:44 PM
Thanks for your comment, Hypnothrill! I'm a big fan of your work as well! Like I mentioned, this was just a short one that I put together quickly, hence I didn't think much into the details of the setup or characters... just focused on the key action.
Anonymous
1/11/20, 2:32 PM
Please, do continue. I quite enjoy this diary-styled storytelling.
Jan 11, 2020
Anonymous
1/11/20, 1:18 PM
thanks I love it man
Jan 11, 2020
1/11/20, 12:48 PM
Always great to get a new tomozco story, and I thought the various plot twists in this one were very hot. I just wish the story was longer, because we barely got a chance to know who these characters were or how they'd behave normally when not following hypnotic commands.
Jan 11, 2020
1/11/20, 12:43 PM
I really like this premise, and I think the writing is strong. But the POV shift doesn't do the story any favors. We get some exciting build-up in the first half of the story, and then before we get to the sexy climax, we cut away to the doctor's POV, and then the rest of Darren's mental transformation is described in dry, clinical terms. It might have been better to insert a short cutaway to the doctor's POV, then switch back to Darren's POV.
Anonymous
1/11/20, 12:22 PM
So good! I wish you'd put like a dominant bottom cousin that Liam would hate to fuck. but he has to. oh wait. Make that his dad. I'm so psyched about what you're going write next!
Anonymous
1/11/20, 8:23 AM
Not wanting to be rude but there were a few things that really put me off this story. If it turns into a reversal revenge story than maybe I could get it as buildup. If not then this just reads as angry belittlement towards disliked items framed with superiority over disliking them. You've already set up the main character as being without self issues only external ones. And immediately set up the first victim as understandable for his actions. Some of these ideas are real issues that can even have harsh effects. I just don't read this and think that it's going to be shown any other way other than a self promoting domination fic. Please don't take this harshly. I only wanted to offer criticism in a constructive and concerned way.
fingrfethr
1/11/20, 8:18 AM
I don't know whether it's your own work you're rewriting or someone else's. Either way, this is witty, intelligent and stylish erotica and I would love to see more of it! Please continue!