Recent Comments

Anonymous
1/6/20, 10:51 PM
i agree about the quick turn around for Dylan, with that "sure..." comment he shouldnt have so quickly been eager to correct joe's actions like he did. Also might be in the minority here but i was hoping for Nathan winning >..>
Z
1/6/20, 10:50 PM
I just read the original story that features Mr Zeiss and I gotta say I have no idea how he got here from working in that restaurant under Steve. Especially since, the last time we saw him he'd just gotten his powers locked away...
Z
1/6/20, 10:47 PM
Oh wow you really had a way with twists don't you. I love it. Also I can't believe this is set in the same universe as Slave Academy. I'm curious to see how Zeiss went from the restaurant to Todd Academy now..
nerdysuitedbaby
1/6/20, 10:34 PM
Ok a fairly interesting story. I like the fact that the glasses still kept them enslaved and even if they didn't they wouldn't be free from Todd instantly it would take a few hours. This would result in Dylan still under his control for a short time anyway. Long enough to correct the issue. However just before they entered the mind we saw Dylan offer some resistance with a sure comment. That did just come out of no where I feel especially if Todd was surprised of Dylan's assistance it seemed it wasn't planned and therefore that's a quick turn around.
LongtimeFan
1/6/20, 10:33 PM
Interesting analysis, nycboot. Fun fact: I actually saw a play once where that very thing happened--a bomb went off and killed everyone. Boy, that was a bad play. :p But this story was good! I think all of the pieces for the ending were in place--I was just hoping that Dylan would work with *Nathan*, not Todd. On TVTropes, that's called a "Diablous Ex Machina"--when something happens to defeat the good guys. I do wish the ending had been different, but then you can't always get what you want!
nycboot
1/6/20, 10:03 PM
A really well thought-out and well-written ending. And it leaves me feeling incomplete. Given the nature of this website, we all love to indulge in mind control. But to have all characters undergo that without resolution seems artificial to me - an ideological (imposed) ending rather than one that grows naturally out of the characters and their circumstances. It feels unfinished. Like a deus ex machina but going in the opposite direction. As if you're working up to something - and then a bomb goes off and kills everyone so that no true conclusion is reached. Nevertheless, this has been a wonderful experience communicating with you & the others that visit this website. :)
Z
1/6/20, 9:56 PM
Oh wait nvm found it
Z
1/6/20, 9:54 PM
I should've known better than to expect Nathan to win lol. Nevertheless I'm loving this! Also, if you don't mind me asking, what story is The Further Adventures of a Mind Controller a sequel of?
Anonymous
1/6/20, 9:42 PM
I enjoyed the series overall but the ending was quite unsatisfying for me. In my opinion, the story would have been better if you had expanded upon Todd's backstory and what his motivations are. Otherwise, the ending just feels cruel for no reason. I also hope the sequel series includes some resolution for Nathan's feelings towards Joe (assuming that they're not just enslaved forever).
1/6/20, 9:23 PM
I don't think you need to work on the realism of your writing. I think it might just be helpful to be aware that you've got a talent for coming up with these highly stylized fictional universes and exaggerated characters.