Dear Author - Don't ever apologize for your writing. I am often reminded, in my daily life, of the old adage: those who can, do; those who can't teach. There is a variation on this adage that applies well under these circumstances - those who can't, criticize. There are many 'critics' on this blog. They don't have the balls to craft a story arc, write a story, edit, draft some more, edit some more and finish a product. At least, you try, and, as far as I am concerned, succeed. For that alone, don't apologize. I never do. Fuck the critics!! I write my stories for fun -- my fun. I share them on this site. If people like them, great. If people don't, that's okay too. At least, you and I are writing. Keep writing. You will have at least one fan who loves reading your stories. Hell! I read this last chapter three times before i wrote this comment. I'm only sorry I have to wait for the next chapter.

is it weird that i want Todd to win?

Well, mid-twenties, LongtimeFan. I am in my senior year and I was a little late to the college party to begin with. But thank you for your kind words :-)

PS, I'm 23 if we are taking a poll of people's

Good Lord, Swizzington, you're in your early twenties? Incredible! To write so well for someone so young...astounding. :O I myself am 29, and dream of contributing a story or two of my own some day. And I think there is more of Joe in you than you realize! :)

Thank you for the response Swizz. As I said above, i dont hold the shift of gears on the pacing against you. I totally understand that you have your own life and do this for free and that you are not obligated to submit a flawless story or something. I just wanted to share my observation of the story to you because I think you are a good writer and that an honest feedback is crucial to help you grow as a writer. I didn't intend to trash your story or anything like that. As for the characters though, I understand that they wont be making smart and rational decisions all the time. I truly get that, but I think it should fit their personalities and traits if they are going to make unwise decisions. I did try to defend some of the writing choices you did, but there are just some that didn't quite jive with me personally, mainly the stuff with Dylan revealing right away to Nathan that he is a slave. To end on a good note, I'm still looking forward on chapter 10 and I promise not to be as critical on that one. Cheers!

@nycboot. That's an interesting question. Well, like Nathan, I had a pretty powerful crush on a guy in high school who did not reciprocate, so that's probably the most obvious one. Like Todd, I am a little bit of a deranged control freak. I would like to say that, like Joe, I try to be honest and always do the right thing, but that one may be wishful thinking. :-) The rest of the characters are just inventions. I can't say I really ever gave much thought to the age range of the people on here. I guess I assumed most were older, but maybe that's not true?

one more chapter... the waiting is really hard jajajaja As far I understand the glasses only reinforce the telepathic changes, but aren't lock to only todds changes... so unless todd review Joe mind, I think he is probably only pretending... but as the chapter says, no way to know for sure... I can't wait for the final :3

Thanks for the note Swizz. When I go on Discord I'm always amazed that (seemingly) the vast majority of people dealing with this website are all in their 20s and 30s. Can I ask: Do you see yourself as any of these characters in particular? Feel free to respond only when you've posted the conclusion.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments everyone. I'm really glad to see people getting so invested in the story. That can only be a good thing :-) I would make two points. These are just to continue the conversation and maybe broaden it. I hope they don't sound defensive, because they are not meant to be. I honestly enjoy these types of discussions: First, as LongtimeFan says, when considering the choices the character's make, please remember that they are young. They are inexperienced and they make poor decisions. Particularly Todd. He is a megalomaniac, sure, but he is not meant to be particularly smart. He has been carried this far by dumb luck and Chester's inventions. If everything the characters did always made perfect sense, that would be poor writing, in my opinion. As you go about your life, do you always make the right decision in every situation? I know I don't! Second, in terms of the pacing, I agree to some extent. It could be drawn out a little more. However, we do still have one pretty big chapter to come, which may answer a few questions, and anyway, it is fairly typical for stories to increase in pace as they reach the climax. Events start to move more quickly as everything comes to a close. This is meant to build tension and create excitement. Maybe I rushed a few things a little, but I don't think any essential element has been lost. But finally, please realize that I am a dumb college kid, sitting in my bedroom writing these stories, for free, as a hobby. I don't have a professional editor reviewing my work before I publish it, and I have no formal training. I do the best I can, but it's not going to be perfect :-) P.S.: As for the characterization of Nathan, the only thing I can say is that the sudden arrival and subsequent enslavement of Dylan, his long-lost cousin - and the discovery of his own telepathic abilities, which must be a pretty world-shaking realization - would no doubt fundamentally affect a person's character and motivations.