Thank you for the response Swizz. As I said above, i dont hold the shift of gears on the pacing against you. I totally understand that you have your own life and do this for free and that you are not obligated to submit a flawless story or something. I just wanted to share my observation of the story to you because I think you are a good writer and that an honest feedback is crucial to help you grow as a writer. I didn't intend to trash your story or anything like that. As for the characters though, I understand that they wont be making smart and rational decisions all the time. I truly get that, but I think it should fit their personalities and traits if they are going to make unwise decisions. I did try to defend some of the writing choices you did, but there are just some that didn't quite jive with me personally, mainly the stuff with Dylan revealing right away to Nathan that he is a slave. To end on a good note, I'm still looking forward on chapter 10 and I promise not to be as critical on that one. Cheers!

@nycboot. That's an interesting question. Well, like Nathan, I had a pretty powerful crush on a guy in high school who did not reciprocate, so that's probably the most obvious one. Like Todd, I am a little bit of a deranged control freak. I would like to say that, like Joe, I try to be honest and always do the right thing, but that one may be wishful thinking. :-) The rest of the characters are just inventions. I can't say I really ever gave much thought to the age range of the people on here. I guess I assumed most were older, but maybe that's not true?

one more chapter... the waiting is really hard jajajaja As far I understand the glasses only reinforce the telepathic changes, but aren't lock to only todds changes... so unless todd review Joe mind, I think he is probably only pretending... but as the chapter says, no way to know for sure... I can't wait for the final :3

Thanks for the note Swizz. When I go on Discord I'm always amazed that (seemingly) the vast majority of people dealing with this website are all in their 20s and 30s. Can I ask: Do you see yourself as any of these characters in particular? Feel free to respond only when you've posted the conclusion.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments everyone. I'm really glad to see people getting so invested in the story. That can only be a good thing :-) I would make two points. These are just to continue the conversation and maybe broaden it. I hope they don't sound defensive, because they are not meant to be. I honestly enjoy these types of discussions: First, as LongtimeFan says, when considering the choices the character's make, please remember that they are young. They are inexperienced and they make poor decisions. Particularly Todd. He is a megalomaniac, sure, but he is not meant to be particularly smart. He has been carried this far by dumb luck and Chester's inventions. If everything the characters did always made perfect sense, that would be poor writing, in my opinion. As you go about your life, do you always make the right decision in every situation? I know I don't! Second, in terms of the pacing, I agree to some extent. It could be drawn out a little more. However, we do still have one pretty big chapter to come, which may answer a few questions, and anyway, it is fairly typical for stories to increase in pace as they reach the climax. Events start to move more quickly as everything comes to a close. This is meant to build tension and create excitement. Maybe I rushed a few things a little, but I don't think any essential element has been lost. But finally, please realize that I am a dumb college kid, sitting in my bedroom writing these stories, for free, as a hobby. I don't have a professional editor reviewing my work before I publish it, and I have no formal training. I do the best I can, but it's not going to be perfect :-) P.S.: As for the characterization of Nathan, the only thing I can say is that the sudden arrival and subsequent enslavement of Dylan, his long-lost cousin - and the discovery of his own telepathic abilities, which must be a pretty world-shaking realization - would no doubt fundamentally affect a person's character and motivations.

Waiting for the next story!

I think the characters' motivations changing makes sense within the world of the story--especially because they're *teenagers.* Teenagers are volatile beasts, short-sighted and driven by emotion. :p But seriously: I think Nathan was originally just concerned about Joe, because he's in love with him. But once Dylan told him the extent of what's going on, he realized just how bad Todd is and switched gears: time for revenge. As for Todd himself, I think his suddenly rushing the plan is justified, too. He's certainly a dangerous and powerful genius, but he's also a 17-year-old with a lot of mental issues and personality disorders. He doesn't think clearly, and his lack of empathy/understanding causes him trouble--for example, he kept rushing Chester with his schemes, and the story outright says that he decided to start thinking bigger and wanting to brainwash everyone when he snagged Dylan. Pride goeth before a fall! :p

Very promising start, hope to read more soon. Preferably for the climax, both cousins double-dick his arse.

That was a slew of paragraphs on the abov commenter but I do agree to some extent. Nathan's writing is a little all over the place. I do feel like his motivations for Joe shifts all over the place. He comes off more selfish and wanting Joe to himself the first few chapters and now, he's some kind of vigilante that wants to free everyone. I'm trying to put myself in his position and imagine what I would do and I guess if there is a mind controller threat out there, I would also wanna stop them. Overall though, I do feel like theres a switch in Nathan's writing somehow, like setting him up more to win than in the previous chapters. I do agree about the plot escalating a little bit too fast. I know Todd is a bit reckless but I am surprised that hes not being more cautious with Dylan. I guess you can justify it by saying the power is just getting to his head, but if he constantly lost to him throughout their childhood, I would want to protect my control over him a lot more. I feel like the plot took a jumpstart after the counselor fell. But I can understand the author just wanting to finish this series. Writing is pretty tough and takes so much time.

If Dylan is playing around why hasn't he did his quick one tap control on his brother to release them? If Chester is the reason behind this why hasn't he done it to Chester? Clearly he could get close and only takes a second. Also I think it's the glasses that made it so his hold on him is sticking. He went in and puts them in a trance of stone sort. Chess, marching, trying to breath while drinking, ect. the glasses keep them locked in that state