Thank you for your thoughtful comments everyone. I'm really glad to see people getting so invested in the story. That can only be a good thing :-) I would make two points. These are just to continue the conversation and maybe broaden it. I hope they don't sound defensive, because they are not meant to be. I honestly enjoy these types of discussions: First, as LongtimeFan says, when considering the choices the character's make, please remember that they are young. They are inexperienced and they make poor decisions. Particularly Todd. He is a megalomaniac, sure, but he is not meant to be particularly smart. He has been carried this far by dumb luck and Chester's inventions. If everything the characters did always made perfect sense, that would be poor writing, in my opinion. As you go about your life, do you always make the right decision in every situation? I know I don't! Second, in terms of the pacing, I agree to some extent. It could be drawn out a little more. However, we do still have one pretty big chapter to come, which may answer a few questions, and anyway, it is fairly typical for stories to increase in pace as they reach the climax. Events start to move more quickly as everything comes to a close. This is meant to build tension and create excitement. Maybe I rushed a few things a little, but I don't think any essential element has been lost. But finally, please realize that I am a dumb college kid, sitting in my bedroom writing these stories, for free, as a hobby. I don't have a professional editor reviewing my work before I publish it, and I have no formal training. I do the best I can, but it's not going to be perfect :-) P.S.: As for the characterization of Nathan, the only thing I can say is that the sudden arrival and subsequent enslavement of Dylan, his long-lost cousin - and the discovery of his own telepathic abilities, which must be a pretty world-shaking realization - would no doubt fundamentally affect a person's character and motivations.

Waiting for the next story!

I think the characters' motivations changing makes sense within the world of the story--especially because they're *teenagers.* Teenagers are volatile beasts, short-sighted and driven by emotion. :p But seriously: I think Nathan was originally just concerned about Joe, because he's in love with him. But once Dylan told him the extent of what's going on, he realized just how bad Todd is and switched gears: time for revenge. As for Todd himself, I think his suddenly rushing the plan is justified, too. He's certainly a dangerous and powerful genius, but he's also a 17-year-old with a lot of mental issues and personality disorders. He doesn't think clearly, and his lack of empathy/understanding causes him trouble--for example, he kept rushing Chester with his schemes, and the story outright says that he decided to start thinking bigger and wanting to brainwash everyone when he snagged Dylan. Pride goeth before a fall! :p

Very promising start, hope to read more soon. Preferably for the climax, both cousins double-dick his arse.

That was a slew of paragraphs on the abov commenter but I do agree to some extent. Nathan's writing is a little all over the place. I do feel like his motivations for Joe shifts all over the place. He comes off more selfish and wanting Joe to himself the first few chapters and now, he's some kind of vigilante that wants to free everyone. I'm trying to put myself in his position and imagine what I would do and I guess if there is a mind controller threat out there, I would also wanna stop them. Overall though, I do feel like theres a switch in Nathan's writing somehow, like setting him up more to win than in the previous chapters. I do agree about the plot escalating a little bit too fast. I know Todd is a bit reckless but I am surprised that hes not being more cautious with Dylan. I guess you can justify it by saying the power is just getting to his head, but if he constantly lost to him throughout their childhood, I would want to protect my control over him a lot more. I feel like the plot took a jumpstart after the counselor fell. But I can understand the author just wanting to finish this series. Writing is pretty tough and takes so much time.

If Dylan is playing around why hasn't he did his quick one tap control on his brother to release them? If Chester is the reason behind this why hasn't he done it to Chester? Clearly he could get close and only takes a second. Also I think it's the glasses that made it so his hold on him is sticking. He went in and puts them in a trance of stone sort. Chess, marching, trying to breath while drinking, ect. the glasses keep them locked in that state

The story will be posted the next few hours?!?! I will have to keep an eye for that at work then

These 2 Chapters and Nathan is literally the worst. it felt like you had several chapters you compressed or just thrown this together to wrap it up. 1. What happened to Dylan being in every classes with Todd as a student of he was working as a teacher with the guidance counselor? I would make more since for Todd to have his eye on him closely especially if he's letting his brother, that he barely defeated, just as a safety measure. It was still expected to take a week or so to test it out and still in the elemental faze. He has no way of knowing if the glasses would fully work on Dylan. I think is sloppy to leave his powers on him to begin with but I was like ok we'll see what happens. Needless to say I wouldn't leave he unattended for days after defeating him. 2) I felt we would finally get some revelation to all the small hints regarding Todd's timeline. Only about a sentence a chapter but we can gather a few things. At the same time Dylan got his powers that family became the weird family. Todd was clearly more of a loser then Nathan with no popular looking out for him while being bullied. Even Nathan was bullying him in his mind when we was first introduced. Being a puppet of his brothers for years. Todd barely had friends and the ones he had left him or what not. I mean based on the ages of Dylan & Todd and everything you had Todd mention, who has been pretty up front did chapter 2 given I feel you was building something there. But based of Dylan's enslavement, lack of proximity to each other to continue dialog and the fact non "normies" can protect their memories and such this can't be brought to a conclusion. 3. Why did Dylan have to parent. Where are these peoples dads and why aren't the mothers explaining any of this? Did I miss that? 4. Nathan is all over the place as a character. This happens across 2 1/2 days. He goes from being possessive over Joe. Like re-read he feels Chester being friendly is wing and Joe being so friendly is a flaw. He seems more angry Joe isn't there waiting for him at the 1st day then worried Joe is enslaved. He clearly believed it but it's trying to rationalize Joe is just doing things out of character for reasons. He feels Joe is controlled but doesn't seem to care as he's mostly himself. 5. He went from not giving 2 shits to let's stop Todd in a matter of hours. Think about it the 2nd day he sees Shawn and Mike and the girls all mind controlled. Feels Chester is stool being controlled but his reaction is like fuck them since Joe's fine. Now he cares why? 6. Why you back you have Joe under your control you're clearly not giving 2 shits about how he feels and that it's ok for the greater good. Similar to Dylan. But you still can barely enter a mind and that's evident and yet you think you have the upper hand. 7. Now you have Joe that might be free still but what can he do. Mike can keep him at bay for a few seconds and Dylan can tap his forehead and stop him from interference.If Dylan comes in to be Todd's downfall with his peers why hasn't he done it yet? 8. This crossed my mind why didn't Nathan wonder why Dylan would need a quicker way to enter and enslave a mind. Todd says you can enter and takeover quick. Dylan would be capable of that yet he feels he needs a faster method why? 9. He's done nothing to Chester for his actions? He can take personalities and traits from someone with him but can't take Chester's intelligence and use it on himself or someone else? 10. Again why would Todd go back he's not trained he had no real training. This next chapter is probably him getting his ass kicked. 11. All the characters besides Joe whose an overall nice guy and Todd the one victim that snapped are all bullies. Even Nathan! He doesn't know why Todd and his family, they state family in chapter 1. why they are weird just an I hear they're weird so let's not talk to him anyway. The mom confirms no reason why he should have been like that to his cousin Todd but so open to Dylan. He Based it off the way he looks. Chester, Mike and Shawn are pegged as bullies by Nathan even. 12. How did they get a second serum? I thought they only had the prototype they used on Dylan? or was that the penis? Sorry this felt like it should have been longer and that you had more planned but just decided to hell with it. It kind of felt like the ending of How to be a Good Boy. Except where that felt it should have been a little longer. This one felt like it should have been broken down into several chapters. I feel wee should have seen more practice. with the final showdown taking place or at last see why he suddenly cares. Todd should be making sure his brother is properly enslaved and what not. we should see them using him as a guinea pig and testing on him. Just to make sure Dylan and Nathan are secure. We should then see his plan of him taking over the school and mass producing these glasses and such. Then set up the fight and leading us more to believe Joe is back to being a slave, Siobhan is breaking free or what not. Just can't by the plans have been expedited that quickly. remember this is just 2 1/2 time period

I feel like Nathan is being set up to have a daenerys like type arc. He seems too obsessed to win at any cost. That particular line where he called Joe "damaged goods" or something to that effect and so therefore can be used again for the second time is particularly savage. I was also expecting Todd to make Dylan pretend he's still on Nathan's side. That seemed like the more logical choice so I was surprised by that. I do think that Joe is on Nathan's side. I think he's really convincing because Nathan compelled him to do so, and I think Dylan is still a slave. If Nathan is going to win, it'll be because of Joe's help. I'm not quite sure if Dylan can break free. Now, Mike should be stronger than Joe right? I'm hoping he'll overpower Joe when he sees him trying to betray Todd. Maybe Dylan's programming would also kick in and try to subdue him. I do think they both also have serums with them, not just Joe. No matter how this story ends, I'll be okay with it. I can always just keep my fantasy ending if it goes there.

Ohboy, predictions! I want to make some too. I predict that: -Dylan will join the mindscape battle because the serum wore off faster than anticipated (we saw what happened when Chester was rushed previously--why else would the phone bug failing be important? I've learned that in a Swizzington story, every detail matters!). :p -Joe will stick Todd with the serum after all after a moment of struggle (the conflict is between Nathan's command and Todd's glasses, and my suspicion is that Todd, in his arrogance, didn't bother to check Joe's conditioning when he got back from Nathan's), OR Todd did check and reinforce his own conditioning, but Nathan's work will at least delay Joe enough for Dylan to join the fight. -Dylan and Nathan will combine their powers to punish Todd -Chester will arrive with the serum, putting Nathan in the position of either setting everyone free, becoming a tyrant like Todd, or somewhere in between. I wonder if any of my guesses will come true!