Wow, Hypnothrill--that's like praise from Caesar, for me. Love your stuff.

Thanks for all the love, you guys. This has been a lot of fun so far. Hope at least some dudes are cumming to it.

Loved it!!!!

this was a rather good concept that I'd toyed with before but your spelling and grammar make it a very tough read. I suggest the Grammarly program to help with the flow of your writing. as for needing assistance in describing your characters, it helps if you slowly consider how you notice a person. The first thing most people notice is usually the most obvious, are they tall? Fat? Dark skinned or pale? Are they dressed in an odd or striking outfit? Depending on the answer, you have your audience's first impression of the character. Next is a bit more subjective. Depending on who is telling the story, you will deliver descriptions as needed. If an older man is telling the story and describes a young man, he probably notices his young age first, his clothing or cleanliness or fitness next. If a straight asshole is describing a gay person they will probably mention any physical character flaws (as per their point of view) and their sexuality first. If the narrator is a point of view not held by any character, use your own perceptions or how you imagine each character might describe themselves. Adding in more details sometimes feels stilted, but your audience can visualize better if you take this extra effort you can build the characters as you set the scene. Don't be afraid to take a moment to really tell us how dank and cold the room feels by describing how Jake is shivering at the temperature, what Jake is wearing can help us decide what kind of a guy he is, if he considers his clothing as he dresses he takes pride in his appearance. If Mr. JJ wears particularly fine fabrics, describe the fit, the fact that the fabrics don't have a cheap sheen or that the whites look so crisp that the snow outside suddenly looks dingy. I hope you keep writing, and when all else fails, try reading your story out loud. take note of every time you naturally pause in reading besides to only take a breath and consider if a comma goes in that spot. This helps you realize that though you have spelled a word correctly you've possibly used the wrong "bear" to describe someone's bare skin.

Very creative. Great story. Loved how you did the mental changes, forgeting and accepting.

As always your stories hit all the right buttons for me! You know you have in me your biggest fan! Please keep writing. You feed my wildest fantasies!

lets see how part 3 turns out

Fun concept, but I eventually gave up reading through all the spelling errors.

Very, very hot. I loved the dialogue between the two men, where you can see their minds changing and their rivalry turning into attraction.

Wow! Another terrific story!