Recent Comments

8/17/19, 3:12 PM
Wow, the chapters are literally being churned out, and so quickly too.
Anonymous
8/17/19, 1:58 PM
Hot spin on the original idea, and some really good writing. If this is what you can do as a first timer I can't wait for what comes next!
8/17/19, 1:15 PM
Thanks! But what do you mean by ABS?
Aug 17, 2019
Anonymous
8/17/19, 12:52 PM
you, I love you and all your new stories, especially this one and the one with werecocks
8/17/19, 12:13 PM
this feels like the one that deviates the most and as a result that something fresh and new exploring a different aspect of the seduction / corruption. The entire bit with the media slowly talking to the guys and eventually Vicks on presence really didn't sell it for me so I guess you're making this your own and playing with scenarios as you see fit. Thank this feels like the one that deviates the most and as a result that's something fresh and new exploring a different aspect of the seduction / corruption. The entire bit with the media slowly talking to the guys and eventually Vicks on presence really did sell it for me so I guess you're making this your own and playing with scenarios as you see fit. Thank you
8/17/19, 12:07 PM
thithis is where it starts to come together a lot better for me. I can't mail one specific thing that's better but I think everything feels extinct things Advance we get a feel for each of the characters and the scenarios and then people join in and we get the sense of how this is all progressed which is admittedly something the original kind of skipped over it was a sort of skipped records and we saw things happening but we got to imagine how she look from the outside in Ashley looks from the inside out in her world changed cure that might be the big difference. we're getting plenty of luck from the outside as it were. but in this case you use it to your advantage by including groups something that I feel hadn't been integrated at this point in the story quite yet. and here it's done in an interesting way where it seems he sort of leading things down the path that Vic wants him to. meet
8/17/19, 12:03 PM
I feel like this describes what he's wearing but we don't get the feel and wear it what's it feel like to put this on to know that he's wearing something that says property of so-and-so how does he feel exposed and touched in the uniform or maybe I'm just reading this too fast . the exposition in the middle I feel undermines what's already being demonstrated in the scene . I'm not sure if I'm feeling dicks emotional change even though I understand part of it is meant to be that he's oblivious to how it is even while he's aware of his feelings. That all said this is really a neat idea and watching the guy sort of swoop in and change everything is nice.
8/17/19, 11:56 AM
having a birthday original and now this changing pacing as well as some of the necessary Aesthetics and visuals are kind of hurting the transition. Some of the key aspects definitely are there. I like the basic idea the replacement between feminism to slovenly older officers Too Young Turks is kind of interesting though it feels as if it misses out on diversity in order to say it's young versus old. this encounter with Chief in the Vic I don't know. it has the potential to be hot but much like the gym it feels like it's both to explicit and not subtle enough not detached enough so that it has the sneaking up on you Central quality of the original. We're slowly over time as we're allowed to both visual eyes and see the shared scope of the transformation happening to each of the individuals and her Society we can imagine her plunging more and more as things Advanced more and more. No it isn't until well after thinks of advance that she does something like Saint stripping even though she does experience a woman naked coming to admire her. But we've already had a section where the guys are naked and showing off to each other. Even if and both stories such things would have already happened. It's a matter of pacing in presentation for how you want to engage the audience. I mean we already have them strip teasing and showing off for each other and touching each other in the gym so what are we building up towards?
Anonymous
8/17/19, 11:54 AM
interesting story , would like it to continue but before he turns his buddy back he takes him to an ABS
Aug 17, 2019
Anonymous
8/17/19, 11:01 AM
fuck that so hot! wish it was longer