Recent Comments

nycboot
8/13/19, 1:42 AM
I can be hyper-analytical and hyper-critical at times, so feel free to ignore my comment. Some people want to write a story that has, for example, x, y, and z in it. But a satisfying story can't imply have x, y and z without additional thought. See the Wikipedia article on **[Dramatic structure]**(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure). So say you want demonic possession. You can simply have a demon approach a subject and say "I'm going to take you over!" But who would even care? Thus you have to write in order to draw the reader in. Like you suggest, having the character act the opposite from the outcome can be dramatic - in this case, Simon is not at all interested in demons and Satanism. So then you have to build up the demon to also have some kind of character. But you've not even given him a name. I've read all the demon stories on this site, and none of them comes close to the supreme one, **[Bargain](https://www.gayspiralstories.com/newStory/show/1903)** by wishbone blue. The first chapter is really excellent - everything is set up, we discover the characters of both protagonists, and if it's your kind of fetish, you want to keep reading. (Unfortunately he never finished it; I've toyed with the idea of supplying my own ending.) So I encourage you to think about these things as you continue to write and improve your skills.
Anonymous
8/12/19, 10:56 PM
the ending made me feel kinda sad for him 😢
Anonymous
8/12/19, 10:44 PM
could you make him crossdress or act like his daughter?
8/12/19, 10:28 PM
TNT a volunteer?
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:58 PM
😢
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:45 PM
Was your house on fire while you were writing this? What was the need to speed through the time from the sip of the drink to until the slave awoke and was aware of his surroundings?
8/12/19, 9:37 PM
By the way, did ANYONE get my Dr. Woodrue joke?
8/12/19, 9:36 PM
> I was predicting that the muscle men would end up being harvested by the alien plant species, with the retreat operating as a front. > Honestly, after all the evil overtones of PTS, I just wanted to write a happy story where someone "defeats" the plant. But even I read this and think at the end, "The plants ARE winning...."
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:31 PM
Nice change for a story like this to both be hot and not make me feel bad about what's happening to them. I was afraid this was going to turn into another story about these two fighting the changes and losing, and losing themselves in the process. It is such a nice change of pace that the changes, while not asked for, are all improvements that they seem to welcome. Keep it coming!
The Author
8/12/19, 9:11 PM
This story was an experiment and I completely agree that a longer length would have been 'too much'. Someone posted that they would like to see a story from a tops POV rather than the more common bottom-focus. I pondered this and then started thinking about minimalism and how many of my stories, as do others, go in to way more detail than they should, taking too much imagination away from the reader. So I decided to leave most of it up to the reader, including the dialog! Sort of like the Peanuts comic strips and movies where you never hear what the adults say. I also wanted the Oh Henry! twist and thought of an interrogation, so even like it seems as if is going there, it is not at all a snuff story. Hypnosis gave the perfect way for the top to implant the whole notion of a death to be investigated, but we all know the detective wanted it. Thanks for the comments.