Recent Comments

david
11/5/18, 9:22 PM
Hey Stroppy, Thanks so much for this *hot* story, and for your wonderful imagination and willingness to share with the rest of us. Thanks also for the extra effort you made to write it on an iPhone! Like Hypnothril, i would also love to see more. Sounds like he has some interesting ideas for additional detail. Meanwhile i am off to read more of your stories. This was my first and i am looking forward to reading others. Thx again! david
Stroppy
11/5/18, 7:22 PM
i'm a huge fan of yours and MALSKIN and a few others I'd love to see you re-write it and bring it to life. All of my writing is done from a hospital o on a small iPhone 6 frustrating to say the least
11/5/18, 7:14 PM
I think this story's got such a terrific premise, but it left me wanting more descriptions of the mental transformations and dumbing-down process. If you ever want to revisit the universe of this story, it would be so cool to retell it from the POV of one of the unwitting victims.
stroppy author
11/5/18, 7:10 PM
the others were gay. Were that I could give you the three minutes of your life back wasted on reading my story. AND THAT YOU ENDURED TO READ IT all the way through... you're a saint, sir. ... nawwww hell with that. BITE ME!
drgnawbones@gmail.com
11/5/18, 6:44 PM
You tagged this as gay to straight, but nothing like that happens. Also there are many, many errors.
Rbbrlover
11/5/18, 5:56 PM
i swear this story turned me on to foot fetish!!! i cant wait to read more!!!
Anonymous
11/5/18, 4:16 PM
good start, can't wait for the next sections.
Anonymous
11/5/18, 3:53 PM
The concept is there, but this felt more like reading a grocery list than an actual story. Slow it down a bit and let the characters react to the changes. It felt like the characters were saying "well, that's done, your turn, repeat"
Anonymous
11/5/18, 12:41 PM
I feel like I've read this story somewhere else before.
Anonymous
11/5/18, 10:05 AM
I also love cursed game stories but the magic of a TF/MC story is in the transition and in the characters. If you don't slow down and use more descriptive terms for the changes happening to the physical forms and the characters mental states whether aware or not, you will fail to grab the readers attention and make them care. Just spend more time crafting your story and it's world. Also, as a related note, it's typically not a good idea to repeat yourself over and over. You've written the words the game says to the participants for every round. The reader already understands after the second time that this will happen every time. So, when you continue to quote it every round you are being redundant and it gets boring to read. I don't mean to be overly critical. I'm just trying to pass along helpful information which will help you better reach your audience and maybe also create better wanking material for yourself. Cheers