This was an interesting story. What caught my interest was the narrator's ongoing mental changes as he actualizes more of himself and acts to do what he wants. He admires muscles and the guys who have them. He doesn't like EVERYTHING about the guys who have muscle - he thinking their constant groping of their junk is crude and gross, but he sees that associated with the guys who have obvious muscles, so he's curious about the connection. As far as the self searching - "Am I straight? Am I gay? What kind of gay or straight guy am I?" all of that is actually pretty realistic. People question themselves internally all the time. It doesn't mean they suddenly radically turn into something different. The narrator is a young man who is working out to make himself more muscular. He's also looking for friends who are interested in the same things he is. This story isn't a political statement or a judgment - but someone can put their own interpretation on it. Personally, I like the slow build up to the self identification, and I says kudos to the narrator for working out to become the muscular man he wants to be. He doesn't have to become a dumb a-s or a flaming queen or a cocksman when he builds his muscles; those are all completely separate identities. Keep up the good work, xORRINx. I've enjoyed your work before. At times, in between the fantasy parts, you ask some interesting questions about self-identity: Is my appearance who I am? Or are my thoughts who I am? How much do my thoughts, actions and appearance make who I am? This narrator is a loner whose only apparent sexual release is jacking off. He self identifies as being gay, but he also thinks about what it might be like to have sex with women. Totally normal human being here - there's no agenda one way or another. This is just an accurate depiction of "the way my life is now." Good writing. I am interested to see where this character takes his thoughts and how he acts out on them.

Warning, this is amateur psychoanalysis but reading this it felt like you were maybe looking for some feedback or validation. It's unclear from the comments and the postscript whether this is a diary entry or a roleplaying experiment. I'm guessing more the former. Fantasizing about a different life, a different body, a different persona, is perfectly fine, as a kink. Self-improvement and introspection are virtues. And if you find through that that you can be someone you want to be, whether that's newly straight or a bro or whatever it is, that's completely up to you and you should be proud of it. But. You call your style fake. You say you sound like a flaming faggot. You "whimper." They'd never want to talk to you because you're gay. You say that you feel different at the core. You have low self-esteem. (And as a kink, in a scene, that's okay.) You idolize them, the straight, the jocks, the hairy bros. Maybe you really do want to be like them. Maybe you really can be like them, and maybe that's right for you. But while you're doing all this self-improvement, I hope you'll take a pause and consider.. maybe what you're really idolizing about them is that they're comfortable in their own skins, and that they belong in a way you feel you don't. It's clearly not their bodies: you're making gains and it doesn't seem to be helping. And it's not their attitudes: you call them animalistic, gross, dumb, rude. So I can't help but suspect that you don't want to BE them. You want to be among them. And you don't have to get hairy or dumb or rude or buff or straight to do that. You don't need to fight your gay voice. You just have to man up a little bit. Show the confidence to them that you showed here, writing this, and I think you'll be surprised.

I love it

Thanks for a nice addition. Love how it is implied both dad and Steve were hypnotized by Wade without having to outright say they were, way hotter that way!

Bussy?

LOVE IT!!!

* just actually used that phrase for the first time just now too haha my b haha

my b also... i feel like I basically initiated one group rp session and i didn't make it clear.

Right on man, keep on at it. You're not alone - get what you want.

Y'alls realize transformation across otherwise impassible barriers like orientation, gender, ethnicity, etc. is a fetish, right? Chill out, no one on this website approves of gay conversion therapy.