Recent Comments

Spandexlad
6/4/16, 4:36 AM
I love this story and the one that came before it. I even slid into my wrestling singlet to read it for a 2nd time. That being said the story needs a little work. You shift from 1st person to 3rd person a few times and there are so many boys to keep up with and the side switching happens so fast that it gets a little confusing and hard to keep up with. You might want to consider slowing down the switching of sides and beef up the suspense of who is on what side. Keep people on one side for longer, I mean some of the same things keep happening to some of the characters that maybe really needs to only happen once. And let us relish in what it's like to be on one side. Several times I was like "Yay, he's a gay spandex slave, let's get into it" only to have him saved before there is any meat on the bone. Maybe breaking up the story into more chapters and switching between narrators will help. That way you can talk about what the guys who aren't Matt are doing and have a different narrator every time you start a new chapter (labeling the chapter with their name). Also there are a few times where the antidote seems useless that I wonder why they cling onto this plan that the antidote will save them. This are just some ideas, take them or leave them. Just please tell me what happens in that locked down school. I'm dying to know. I hope Matt ends up like Chad. :)
ZC6201
6/4/16, 12:35 AM
This is very difficult to read, sadly. Don't be afraid to double space or space out chunks.
A CONCERNED READER
6/3/16, 11:18 PM
I LIKED THIS STORY VERY MUCH : ONLY WISH IT WAS LONGER...ORRIN HAS A KNACK FOR WRITING ABOUT HOMOPHOBIC BRO'S THAT I FIND VERY SEXY..KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ! THE 'NEW' MATT SHOULD COME BACK FOR MORE HEAVY BULLYING & HOT SEX WITH LOGAN..& LOGAN SHOULD FIND HE LIKES THEIR NEW RELATIONSHIP !!!
Anonymous
6/3/16, 11:09 PM
i like how people think it is wrongor darker to turn someone into an homophobic raper but are ok with turning people into worthless slut xD
Anonymous
6/3/16, 10:27 PM
Maybe Logan could get the formula then they would be best friends again despite Hannah
Anonymous
6/3/16, 9:18 PM
i want that serum for me... wanna end up like matt but remaining bisex
BoonBoon
6/3/16, 8:05 PM
This could be the start for a new hot series! I love the premise, and Lucky and Woody are in fact interesting characters, would be nice to know more about them, or their relations with other fallen angels (would be cool to explore if there's some sort of professional rivalry, or friendly competition with other inhabitants of the underworld, or even explore their relationship with other heavenly entities or supernatural beings). About the erotic subject, it is very good and I was certainly turned on while I was reading your story, but I would have liked to see Officer Sean's point of view. I would have liked to see how he experiences his degradation from cop to stripper, how his world falls apart, and his feeling about his transformation. I would have loved to know If he feels embarrassment or pride when other men slip small bills into his jockstrap.
Anonymous
6/3/16, 7:04 PM
The story is about a guy getting cursed. There's even man on man sex in it. How is this possibly not a fit for this website? Just because someone doesn't personally like a story doesn't mean it shouldn't be posted here.
xORRiNx
6/3/16, 7:01 PM
^ ^ ^ Let me think about it. I'm working on a BRO chapter right now. When I outline these 'short' series I don't account for sequels but I do see paths forward (as some have mentioned).
Anonymous
6/3/16, 6:56 PM
Nice work, but you haven't done justice to the idea if you plan to stop there. I've been thinking about this story off and on all day and getting hard every time. You definitely should consider a sequel episode. Lots of very hot possibilities. Matt might find that he starts more and more to think about dominating his fag friend, losing interest in his girlfriend when only acting out a dom scene with Logan can make him cum. Logan might discover that he has a capacity for humiliation from a straight bud he never felt before. And if he somehow ended up getting the same serum, I wonder how a homophobia inducing serum would work on him. Man, if you don't write it, I might have to (with your permission) - just to get it out of my head.