Recent Comments

Anonymous
5/27/16, 12:42 AM
The proposed scene in the barber shop sounds AWESOME! would be fantastic if Phil is mistaken with other Latino! Those who have pointed to the deportation issue have a point, would be good to mention it slightly at some point. Also, I would like to propose something: what do you say if Phil suddenly finds that all of his expensive clothing is now of cheap fake brands? There's some funny examples of that, like "Hike" instead of Nike, "Adadis" instead of Adidas, and "Albertcombie and Finch" instead of Abercrombie & Fitch. His former friends could tease him for wear fake brands, or maybe they would offer him a par of sneakers or a shirt, in exchange of some sexual services.
Anonymous
5/26/16, 10:36 PM
(I'm the one who suggested the haircut) I was thinking more along the lines of greased back on top and almost shaved on sides and back :) I'm not so sure I agree with it getting that deep though about being deported in a short story though, he has to start embracing it at some point haha.
Anonymous
5/26/16, 8:37 PM
Wowowowow
Oct 13, 2005
dickshit
5/26/16, 8:31 PM
how do some guys get so lucky to serve a Supreme Master in such a way!!!! rkglum@gmail.com
Anonymous
5/26/16, 8:03 PM
I agree with the previous comments. Phil having to struggle with not being able to understand anyone, or make himself understood, Having to Do What He's Told under fear of being deported "back" to Mexico, being cut off from all of his support systems - friends and family and his "bros." I really like the haircut suggestion too. It could be like a mistaken identity thing. Like he goes into his barber and asks for the usual, and of course the barber doesn't recognize him as Phil. He just sees another one of these young Latino guys that keep coming in these days, so he does for him what he does for all of them - the razor cut and the shaved lines on the sides. Very hot, and so many possibilities!
dougkent60
5/26/16, 6:55 PM
Yes keep the pseudo French it adds something to an already great premise
May 24, 2016
5/26/16, 1:48 PM
Thanks for the comments and praise everyone! This was actually intended to be a very short piece, just a caption on a photo that I found hot. I guess I focused too much on the image, so I ended up writing more about the sex than about the hypnosis. Will keep that in mind for future stories.
Orc_br
5/26/16, 12:50 PM
I miss some cultural/social aspects of the transformation. A illegal alien stereotype is someone who just got into a country, is very painful to be stripped of your culture. Everything is unfamiliar, you can't understand anyone, you must obey or be sent back. There so much this could be besides just being dumber.
May 24, 2016
Kyle
5/26/16, 7:59 AM
Excellent. Congratulations on a great first submission. I loved your approach. Look forward to more work from you.
Anonymous
5/26/16, 2:32 AM
Awesome start! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.