Recent Comments

Tom
9/14/15, 11:44 PM
Thanks, That is very good feedback that I will take to heart in the next chapter.
Anonymous
9/14/15, 9:58 PM
I get the impression you're aiming for magic, but - at least to me - the "editing room" has a discordant VR vibe to it. Empty lines after paragraphs increase redability. The classic piece of advice: "Show, don't tell." For example, the then undescribed "mysterious figure" - you'd be better off showing a strange property or two instead of just labeling him mysterious. There have been a lot worse beginnings for a reality shift story. Do continue. I'd like to know what, if anything, is going on inside Grant's own head.
dickshit
9/14/15, 8:56 PM
this Richard wishes it was slave Richard rkglum@gmail.com
Anonymous
9/14/15, 5:14 PM
very good
Anonymous
9/14/15, 9:51 AM
Please keep it coming !
Kyle
9/14/15, 7:33 AM
Excellent story, bravo.
Guardsmen
9/14/15, 5:04 AM
More
Anonymous
9/14/15, 3:44 AM
I know you said it calls for no continuation but I'd love some anyway. Great story as always
Anonymous
9/14/15, 3:22 AM
Cant wait for what comes nect
Anonymous
9/14/15, 2:52 AM
Excellent Start! Eagerly looking forward to the next chapter.